Yullen Stories
by SeptemberIvy
Summary: "You got a headache don't you?" Allen's voice was soft; the boy knew not to talk loudly when the elder was currently agitated and frustrated. -Yullen- Short stories, mostly drabbles and a oneshot or two, variety of genres. Descriptions will change.
1. Lollipop

Hey, I'm going to be compiling and writing one shots to help me get my muse going. I had this idea after Halloween came around. I was eating a lollipop and my friend asked If I was getting ready to blow someone.

xP Boys.

Enjoy. I'll be posting more later as I write them. The title should stay the same but the description will change with every one.

X – x – x – x - x

I'm going to rape him.

Luscious, dyed cherry red lips, wrapped around the maroon colored desert, the lollipop being sucked on for a moment. His cheeks sucked in against the sticky delight before releasing and letting the lollipop leave past his lips with an audible

'_**POP'**_

I was staring I know, but the sounds and the redness as his mouth parted open just barely and the sucker rubbed against those soft lips, were captivating. I was jealous. I'll admit it. I was jealous of a sweet confectionary.

Would Allen's mouth taste like that syrupy concoction?

I glanced up to those stark grey eyes, the color of steel and metal, like a swirling pool of mercury around those black pupils. It was tantalizing and the red of the sucker was drawing me in more and more.

"Kanda? Are you alright?" Allen gave a slight smirk as he looked at me, his mouth latching back over the lollipop.

Red.

So very red. The color of passion and desire, of lust. My mind reeled, incoherent for a moment as the blood was clearly not in my brain but in my pants. Stupid Moyashi. The lover boy was going to kill me with his teasing.

The red of his lollipop contrasted with the slightly tan skin and the lengthy pure white hair. The long strands a mop on his head that fell into his eyes. The red and black of his uniform shown made him seem like the perfect color palate.

"Just. Peachy." I stated through gritted teeth towards him. I'd grab the boy and bend him over the cafeteria table right here and now if it wasn't for Link sitting next to Allen indulging in a piece of cake. The lollipop the boy was sucking on was given as a "gift" by Link.

Allen grinned at me, the lollipop withdrawn once more in order to make way for him to speak once more.

"Jealous?"

"Of what?" I stated. Feigning innocence as I turned my eyes down towards my soba and resumed using my chopsticks to eat it. Though soba didn't sound nearly as good as wiping the smug look off Allen's face.

Allen shrugged at my response only to drag his slick red tongue up the side of the lollipop. A drop of saliva and syrup merged together as it ran down the white stick and onto the Moyashi's gloved hand.

"So Kanda. How are you?" Allen seemed to be adamant in pushing my buttons today.

"Great." I said with sarcasm dripping off my voice. Link looked up sensing possible confrontation.

"Walker. Whenever you are done eating we need to depart to meet Komui for a mission. "

"Yeah, yeah. Let me enjoy myself for a bit Link. It's a pain going on mission after mission. I need to relax or I'll end up messing up on the field. "

Link tsked at this, before standing up and taking his plates of finished food to Jerry for washing.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard Moyashi." I growled, the moment Link was out of earshot and began talking to Jerry. I leaned towards my lover, hands braced on the table.

"I'd like to see you try Yuu." I suppressed the shudder that was desperately crawling down my back and to my hips at the sound of my name. The words were smooth and the way he said my name was slow and methodic. Allen smiled joyfully, recapturing the lollipop in his mouth and sucking while giving me a wink. The wink that said we were sneaking away from Link.

I smirked. This will be an interesting one. Allen withdrew the lollipop after some vigorous sucking, and rubbed his cheek.

"Sucked to hard" he stated, rubbing his "Sore" jaw.

Fu- The stupid Moyashi is turning me on. Those arrogant grey eyes. Allen gave a look to me as he examined his lollipop once more; the red sucker was smaller and thin and probably could just be eaten now if the Moyashi chewed on it.

Allen stood up; he kept the stick of syrup in his mouth as he began stacking his plate onto a tray. He stood up, holding the trays with a precarious number of plates forming a tower.

Oh he isn't.

Allen stepped forward but the top two plates slipped off and crashed onto the table. The glass shattering. One of the plates landing all over my soba, spilling the hot contents over me. The sudden crash caused the room to go silent as everyone turned towards us. Including Link, Allen set down his plates and stepped back, forcing a smile to me. Anger boiled up. My chest and lap were soaked with hot water and noodles. My tea was tipped over the edge and spilling down onto my pants, a small stream seeping down.

Apparently Allen is. As he took another step, I stood up and growled a glare piercing through my black eyes. I gripped Mugen with one hand as I stepped towards Moyashi. Forgetting the mess for a moment.

"Ah.. now Kanda.. no need to get testy… It was an accident I swear!" Allen backed up the white lollipop stick switching sides in his mouth as he mumbled around it.

"Oh sure. Absolutely. You're forgiven Moyashi." I joked.

"Seriously?" Allen seemed hopeful. He was beginning to act more and more like Lavi.

"No." I deadpanned, and stepped forward, unsheathing Mugen. My frustration and tensions seeping through the blade.

"Mr. Kanda. Leave Walker alone!" Link called out. I turned glared at him before advancing towards the Moyashi with practiced steps. Allen gave a sheepish wave to Link before sprinting out of the cafeteria. Me giving chase. Link tried to follow along but Allen and I knew the order better, we'd spent time exploring and searching for the best spots.

We gave chase like cat and mouse. My breath beginning to quicken as my heart started it's own race.

I caught a glimpse of white hair as Allen looked back. That white stick still sticking out of his mouth as he turned towards me before disappearing once more behind a corner.

Yeah. He's going to be limping when he leaves for that mission.


	2. Rolling Boy

Rolling Girl – Yullen

Howdy~

New Drabble. This one is a bit more serious, more drama filled. If you have major feels I'm sorry. **Gives cookie** Critiques are more then welcome. The next story will be much more fun and cheerier. :] Enjoy.

Also I'm sorry if there is a spelling error or two, or homonym or something along those lines.

-Based off of Rolling Girl - Piko-

O3o3o3o3o3o3o3o3o3o3o3o3o3oo 3o3o3o3o3o3

Allen stepped down the school hallway slowly, red backpack slung over his shoulders, his gloved hands hidden in his pocket. He gave an analytical glance to all the students around him and tried his best to weave his way through the crowds to his next class. He'd only been here at Black Order High School for a few weeks and already he was feeling swamped by the never-ending tons of people and assignments he was given.

The campus was small and filled with well over a thousand students who shared the same bustling city as the white haired boy. The voices of various guys and girls talking and laughing filled the hallway and seemed to drown his mind in them. Eventually all the voices just found there way into mixing together like a well-cooked stew.

Pushing between a circle of kids who decided to stand in the hallway Allen turned the corner and slipped into his next class. Math. Of course advanced. The Pre-Calculus class was going to kill him if anything for the petite sophomore. Surrounded by seniors and older kids who glowered at him with a look of envy and hate that he was smarter then them. The bell rang as he pulled out his notebook and last night's homework assignment and set them and a pencil on his desk. Leaning back in his seat he opened to a new blank page and started doodling within the notebook while the teacher stood at the front of the class.

"Alright, I'm handing back your tests. Come get it when your name is called. Daisya Barry. Miranda Lotto" The sound of clothes rustling and shuffling and a desk being shifted on the floor were the only other sounds in the room. The teacher continued to list out all the names and pass back the tests. "Allen Walker."

The boy who the name belonged to stood up and went to the front of the room taking the test, which was folded in half to conceal the grade written on it. The teacher smiled towards Allen who returned it effortlessly before turning around and going back to his seat. He slumped down in the dark blue plastic seat in the back and unfolded the test.

104%.

_No surprise._ Allen thought as he checked over the front page not finding a single sign of the purple pen except for the 104%. A smiley face and the words "Great job" were smeared in cursive handwriting next to it. A shadow fell over Allen's figure for a moment and made the white paper a dull shade of gray. Swift fingers snatched the paper from his hands, leaving him looking at his empty white gloves.

"104%. Wow. Allen you're just a genius aren't you." The voice that hovered above him dripped with sarcasm.

"Indeed aren't I chaoji." Allen's smooth British accent gave the comeback with elegance, as he looked up towards the thick, burly man who was on the football team.

"Oh shut up. You cheated didn't you? You're the only one in the room who got a perfect score on this ridiculous test." Chaoji wasn't very tall, perhaps a few inches bigger then Allen but the way that he stood and loomed over the desk made him seem intimidating. Just a little.

"Nope. I just payed attention and did the assignments unlike you." A curt smile graced his features. The smile that said go die in a hole and be fed upon by maggots and crows.

Chaoji glared and a snear rose up on his lips.

"You're going to regret those words." Chaoji turned and left Allen. The threat began to plant itself in Allen's head. A dark gray weed that had nested itself and set it's roots deep into the garden of Allen's mind.

He stopped lounging in his chair, rather sitting forward, with his head low over his notebook. The test was reviewed for everyone but he didn't pay much attention. He didn't need to. All he could focus on right now anyway was the weed that was beginning to devoid the rest of the beautiful garden of Allen's mind of its nutrients and sunlight.

This wasn't the first time he was threatened. Chaoji did the same exact thing on the last test. All because Allen got a perfect score and he failed it. This same thing also happened in Allen's last school. Both schools seemed adamant in it's quest to debase and humiliate him. Last test, Allen was dragged out of the hallway and out a side exit, which led to the alleyway in between the school building and the parking lot. From there he was threatened that if he didn't fail on the next one he would be hurt. And well. Looks like it's time for Chaoji to collect his threat.

The poor boy was coaching himself that he would be all right. If he hurried out the door and down the main hallway and became lost in the sea of kids trying to get to the final class of the day he would be all right and not have to deal with Chaoji. His hands were shaking so much he could barely keep a grip on his mechanical pencil. That small weed began to kill and ruin Allen's garden. The gorgeous flowers and grasses beginning to die and wilt, the bright colors fading into shades of gray and yellow.

He'd been in fights before but they were verbal fights that he could win. Allen was pretty athletic. He had a fan club at the school, just a bunch of girls dedicated to finding everything out about, that he had to outrun on a daily basis. So he was a pretty good runner. Lavi had suggested that he join track and field.

Lavi. Allen reached into his pocket and felt his phone in his grip. Should he tell Lavi to meet him or at least come and help him out? He mulled the thought over in his head for a moment as his grip slackened and he withdrew his hand from his pocket. No. This was his problem and not Lavi's he could handle Chaoji.

Time passed slowly as the class continued on. In the last minute Allen put away his notebook and pencils. But he didn't dare get out of his seat and go to the door to wait for the bell. No. That would make him seem like a coward to Chaoji.

_RIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGG_

The bell startled him as he quickly made a beeline for the door. Pushing people out of his way. If he just made it past that side exit door and got lost. He would be safe.

Yes. Safe.

But that feeling of possible safeness left fleetingly as he felt a hand grip the back of his collar and push him towards the exit. Allen twisted and thrashed against the grip, all the while trying not to cause a seen in the crowded building. Why isn't anyone noticing? Or better yet. Why doesn't anyone help him? The door was pushed open and he was thrown out and onto the ground in the alleyway between the building and the parking lot. His face hit the ground and he could feel the skin being ripped off as he was scraped and scratched up by the gritty dark cement. Allen stood up and turned around right as the feeling of a fist crash against his other cheek. He winced at the pain, but braced himself as another punch hit him followed by a knee to the stomach.

"I warned you freak. And you didn't listen. I won't go so easy on you next time you useless pathetic being. I'm the best center this school has and no way you're going to beat me." Chaoji spat in Allen's face as he left, his shoulders a bit straighter and his ego beaming off him in rays.

All the while Allen was left to crumble upon the cold concrete, choking and coughing and heaving for air into his lungs. His face felt numb and he was sure his cheek and lip was swelling.

After several long moments, to which they felt like a lifetime to poor Allen. Allen sat up and slowly grabbed his bag that had fallen onto the ground, reshuffled the contents back inside and stood up. His breathing still erratic and his face swelled up to where it looked like an orange was shoved in his cheek. Blood trickled down from the scrape and he winced when he gently touched it.

Heading towards his final class of the day, Allen thought about whether or not it would be better for him to just ditch or go to class. His footsteps thick on the ground and heavy as pain clouded his mind. The bell had already rung not to long after Chaoji had left, so the grounds were quiet.

"Running late short stack?" Allen stopped and looked up into the branches of a tall tree in the middle of the school ground. His thoughts having been disturbed by the deep voice. Leaves rustled and he searched for a moment before spotting the familiar long hair of Kanda Yuu.

"Ditching class Pres.?" Allen spoke up, it hurt to talk and his tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth. Allen watched as the Student Council President slipped out of the branches and crashed down, landing on his feet with a bend of his knees and absolute grace before standing straight up. His uniform was half done and sloppy at the moment. His jacket open, tie loose and the top three buttons of his shirt undone. But the messy uniform was probably a temporary deal as Kanda typically went around look like the epitome of a perfect role model. Though his attitude could use some work to match that pretty boy face of his.

"More like president duties. You look like shit Short stack." Kanda stated mercilessly, as he adjusted the strap over his shoulder. Said strap connected to the cloth covering his sword and sheathe. A silent question followed after that phrase that Kanda didn't voice. Though the dark midnight black eyes clearly voiced it, asking what happened.

"Thanks a lot for the update. I tripped and feel on the concrete." Allen spoke, the lie slipping off his tongue easily.

"Go see the nurse before you get blood on the pavement. You're already late for class. " Kanda replied towards Allen, whether there was concern or apathy in Kanda's voice, Allen didn't know. His eyes analyzing the pain filled face and the way that the younger boy wouldn't look him in the eye. Allen's posture was crap and Kanda could see the way that the deep crimson blood dripped down his chin, on his throat only then to stain the crisp white shirt with the thick substance.

Allen didn't say anything else. It hurt to talk and his mouth and cheek felt numb and his facial muscles didn't want to cooperate with his mind. Allen let a breath escape his mouth slowly before walking off and leaving Kanda to his tree.

Allen headed towards the administration office but rather then seeing the nurse he just turned and went into the men's bathroom instead. Everyone would be in class right now so he didn't really have to worry about anyone else being in there. The boy slipped inside and examined his reflection in the grimy mirror.

Kanda wasn't lying. He looked like shit.

His entire cheek was scraped and scratched looking like someone had rubbed sandpaper against his face repeatedly. The other side of his face was swelling and his lip was bit and swollen.

_And here I thought the scar and white hair made me look bad enough already._

Allen sighed and leaned over the sink, turning the water on and rinsing out the wound as best he could. The water was freezing and made his hands feel numb and his cheek sting. Getting a paper towel and wetting the surface with the cold water Allen began to dab at the scrape and clean up the blood that had ended up all over his throat.

Throwing the fourth paper towel away, Allen leaned back against the wall; he would have sat down if it weren't for the state of the floor. Guys need to learn to pee in the urinal or the toilet. Not the floor. A buzzing reverberated in the bathroom for a moment before stopping. The source was from his pocket, as he dug out his phone Lavi had texted him

_Where are you?_

_RR. _ Allen responded after a moment.

_For this long? _

_Yup. Also meet up with Kanda._

_That's pleasant, Haha, you up for grabbing something to eat after school?_

_Sure. _

_Mind if I invite Tyki?_

_IDC._

A faint smile worked its way up onto Allen's battered features. Of course he didn't mind getting something to eat. Though, the question is whether or not Lavi would freak out about his face. Allen's mind reeled back to Chaoji. _That was illegal wasn't it? _What Chaoji did to him, it was illegal to harm another student. _Though in today's age, I guess it's not all that uncommon. _

_Maybe I should report him. No, cause then he'd come back and find some other way to hurt me._

Drop the class? Schedule change? Nope that wouldn't really work either, you can't just change your schedule in the middle of the school year.

Have Kanda or Lavi help me? No. That's out of the question. This is my problem and not theirs. It'll get better. I just… need to come up with a solution. This wasn't the first time the white haired boy had gotten harassed or beaten at school. People didn't like things that were different. Well, not everyone, Kanda never seemed to care and Lavi flipped out when he saw his arm, shouting that it was awesome and exciting and amazing.

Even though it was the source of the pain he always felt.

Allen smiled faintly at the reflection in the mirror.

He felt atrocious and alone. He felt scorned and unloved. He felt like the entire world's problems were on his shoulders and he had to bear it all.

Standing there by himself with his face scratched, scraped, dirty and wet. His shirt white shirt wet with blood and his gloves stained just a bit. Within the dirty bathroom that needed to be cleaned by the janitors, Allen began to submit to his own thoughts and just stood there, leaning over the sink and trying to calm himself. He didn't know what to do and now his body felt like lead and time seemed to escape him. He was suddenly exhausted and fatigued despite only having eaten lunch 3-4 hours ago.

Allen gave a faint sigh and pulled out his phone checking the time. Class would be out in 20 minutes or so. He might as well start making his way to Lavi's car now. Allen adjusted his backpack on his shoulder and looked at himself for one last time.

Tripped and fell. Tripped and fell. Tripped and fell.

Thrown to the ground and punched.

The lie felt disgusting on his tongue like eating something that was burnt or wasn't cooked with the correct measurements or with the wrong spices.

_I don't want to keep on fighting this. _Allen thought to himself solemnly. _I want to just run away from all these issues and be happy for once. … I shouldn't think like this. Things will only get worse if I just run away… but then again. What else am I supposed to do?_

His throat felt tight like swallowing thorns and he could feel tears rising to his eyes. Forcing in and out deep breaths Allen rubbed at his eyes with his sleeves. He already looked bad enough as it is he didn't want to be seen with puffy eyes and tears. That would be even worse.

Making his way out of the bathroom, Allen had been sitting down on the cold black pavement next to Lavi's black mustang for 10 minutes when the school bell rang Lavi's grandfather had quite a lot of money in savings and also had a pretty big reputation as a super important archeologist and history professor at the nearby college. Well all the money had to go somewhere.

"Allen!" at the familiar voice of Lavi, Allen stood up and waved

"He-"

"ALLEN! YOUR FACE! WHAT HAPPENED?" Lavi cried out running forward and taking Allen's jaw into his hands, he turned Allen's head one way to examine the scrape and the other way to notice the swollen cheek, bruise and bit lip.

"Tripped and fell on my way to class. Concrete isn't fond of my face." Allen laughed sheepishly as he reached up and rubbed the back of his head tousling his white hair.

"You are such a klutz Allen, Be more careful next time. And why didn't you go see the nurse? Is that why you were in the bathroom? " Lavi smiled softly and looked Allen over once more with concern for his friend, stepping back to unlock the trunk and put his backpack in.

"She wasn't in." Allen lied once more shoving his backpack into the trunk next to Lavi's.

Lies, Lies, Lies. They all just seemed to pile up in front of Allen. Ready to consume him like the dark shadows they were.

"Ah. I see. Anyway, on a different subject. Where do you want to eat?"

"What about the diner Lenalee mentioned? It opened up not to long ago"

"Oh! I know that place. Lenalee was going on about it to me and how it was a cute little place. All right. Then it's settled, we'll go there" Lavi smiled with a grin and adjusted his headband just a little bit. Priming his hair for Tyki.

"Hello Boys. " Allen looked towards the voice and found Tyki waltzing towards them in his oh so flamboyant way. Lavi smiled and waved to Tyki, as the older Portuguese gentlemen approached and placed his backpack inside. He gave Lavi a quick peck on the cheek before turning to Allen.

"…. You look like you just got in a bar fight boy." Tyki stated bluntly, leaning forward with his hip and pointing at Allen's face with an index finger.

"Thanks. I tripped and hit the concrete." Allen stated back, he wasn't particularly fond of Tyki. After all he did threaten Allen the moment that he met Lavi.

The car was unlocked and everyone opened their respective doors and climbed in. Allen sitting in the back, and Lavi and Tyki up front. Pulling his seat belt on, He sat. And waited for a moment as Tyki and Lavi started talking. Lavi turned the engine on halfway so the heater would turn on. Why aren't we just going? Everyone else is leaving; maybe Lavi is just waiting for the bustle of kids all trying to leave in their cars at the same time. I looked out my window and stared up at the cloudy gray sky. It looked like it would rain tonight. The dark clouds began to create an ominous atmosphere. The air feeling suffocated and the color in everything seemed to dull just a bit.

The sound of the car door opening and closing followed by a shuffle brought Allen out of his thoughts; he turned his head and stared.

Kanda buckled himself in and leaned back against the seat. He gave one glance towards Allen before finding fascination looking out his own window.

Why. Is. Kanda. Here? Allen thought to himself. Does he know that I didn't go to the nurse's office? Hopefully he doesn't ask any questions.

"Hey Yuu, glad you could join us! I don't get to see you much, you being pres. and all. Such a shame, you should hang out with us more often! Oh oh! Did you see what happened to Allen's face? Concrete doesn't like him." Lavi talked excitedly as he turned the ignition on fully and backed up into the slowly emptying parking lot.

"You'd see me if you didn't slack off on your duties as Vice President and I saw him earlier. I Thought I sent you to the nurse." Kanda stated, he shifted his sword and backpack down onto the floor and adjusted his seatbelt.

"Oh. She wasn't in." I mumbled, avoiding looking at him and instead out the window as the parking lot began to fade away. Kanda gave a grunt and Lavi kept on talking with Tyki about his day.

- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -

Lenalee was right about the diner being a cute little place. It really was, like those diners in the 60's or 70's. The floor was even checkered and there was a juke box in the corner. (Lavi decided to play Carry on my Wayward Son. He was a fan of Kansas.)

Allen repressed a sigh as he ate the ice cream sundae he ordered. Having already divulged a hamburger (times four) and fries, he wasn't beginning to feel full but melancholy. Lavi and Tyki were on the opposite end of the booth flirting with one another and talking while he sat with Kanda who hadn't done anything but drink his water and stare out the window.

He felt like a third wheel. The unimportant one of the group who was left out. Allen's self confidence and esteem were taking a major plunge today and the already maddening state his mind was in after that beating wasn't helping. Setting his spoon down, Allen stood up slowly and left to the bathroom.

Allen leaned against the sink as he tipped his head forward and released that pent up sigh.

"So why didn't you go to the nurse?" Kanda's deep voice echoed throughout the men's restroom. Startling Allen he gave a jump and then turned towards him. He hadn't even heard him enter or saw him nonetheless. Then again. Kanda was a ninja.

"I did. She wasn't in."

"Don't lie you're horrible at it when it comes to me. I went to the nurse and she said no one showed up. Why didn't you go?" He repeated, fervent and determined to find his answer. He leaned against the wall near the counter and stared at me.

"Because I can handle this myself Kanda. It's no big deal I just fell." Allen stated, looking towards Kanda and the untidy uniform he was wearing.

The lie had been caught, and now Allen felt like a caged animal with Kanda being the ringleader. Whip in hand ready to scorn and shout and beat him.

Silence filled the room for a moment before the sound of Kanda's bag being unbuckled. Kanda didn't want to leave his stuff in the car so he brought it in. Allen turned around as Kanda pulled out a roll of gauze and medical tape.

"Be grateful." He stated bluntly as he approached Allen and dropped his bag on the counter. Allen stared at him in silence; somewhat shocked that Kanda seemed to be caring. The younger could see why Kanda carried gauze around; he had Kendo after school most days and trained with a sword otherwise. He probably cut himself more then he was willing to admit.

"You wash it out already?" Kanda stated as he ripped off a piece of the gauze and folded it to make a square big enough to cover the scrape on Allen's face.

"Yeah. I rinsed it in the bathroom." Allen replied looking away. Kanda advanced picking up Allen by his waist and setting him on the counter.

"Short stack."

Kanda put two fingers under his chin and made the boy look up at him. Those silver eyes, earlier during lunch they seemed so full of life but now they were just empty and solemn. He turned the smaller boys head and examined the scrape to make sure he wasn't lying about washing it. It seemed clean enough. So he went ahead and put the gauze over and taped it to the boy's cheek. He looked better already though the other side of his face didn't look all that great. Band-Aids were placed to cover up some of the scratches on his forehead and chin.

"Thanks Kanda…" Allen mumbled, finally looking up towards those narrow black eyes. A grunt followed the statement as Allen smiled softly. Someone. Someone in this world cared for him enough to see through all the lies and defenses he held. Though he never expected Kanda to help him, he leaned back out of the president's way as he returned to his bag, buckling it back up and putting the gauze and tape away.

"Hey." Kanda spoke up once again, leaning back against the wall near the doorway.

"What's up?" The injured boy responded non-chalantly running his fingers gently over the cloth covering the injury.

"Are you okay?" The words slipped from Kanda's mouth without a second thought spilling into the air and hitting Allen's ears.

"Yeah… I'll be alright." Allen stated a forced smile gracing his lips. The words slipped through his mouth and fell to the ground they merged with the cold tiles and were lost into the air like foggy breath on a cold December evening.

X – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x –x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x -

It wasn't unusual to Allen to receive those small slipped notes and whispers of degration. Three weeks after the initial beating Allen had taken to doing everything in his power to spite Chaoji back without resorting to violence. He wanted to handle this all on his own. He would get every question right; study for every quiz and a get a solid A+ every single time.

Chaoji wasn't happy about that. He began to pass pieces of paper with drawings and notes of Allen dying or calling him names and just overall hate seethed from them.

Chaoji wasn't alone now either. Several other people had decided to join in and now Allen was trapped within the sea of hatred. Lavi and Lenalee seemed to have no idea what was going on behind their backs. Allen would smile and pretend things were just A-Okay.

While this whole time his mind was destroying itself. Tearing it from the inside out and making his thoughts absurd. The bruises and cuts he received were nothing compared to the pathetic and bloody state his mind was. The small weed that Chaoji had planted had taken a deep root, it's thorny tendrils spreading, suffocating and terrorizing. The garden of Allen's mind was destroyed. Nothing was left but withered plants and dead grass and dying trees.

_Why do I even bother coming to school? I'm always made fun of and beaten._

_**Because I'm a freak.**_

_**Because I'm ugly with this stupid scar and white hair.**_

_Why do I bother no one wants me._

The thoughts couldn't be stopped now like a train going maximum speed. There wasn't a way to stop. It would just keep on going and going until it crashed and crumbled.

Allen glanced around the room and saw several people looking in his direction. Probably pitying or talking crap about the white haired boy. Who hung out with the Student Council President, The Vice President and the captain of the Cross Country team.

_I don't deserve to be friends with them. I'm nothing compared to them. _

_Everyone is expecting me to become like them… I've only been here for a few months…_

"Why does he bother even being part of school." Allen heard the voice from behind him and he swiftly turned around to find two girls walking behind them, side-by-side and gossiping. They headed straight towards the doors that left the cafeteria.

His mind snapped at this point. Like a rubber band pulled to taut for too long.

It just snapped.

And the repercussions stung, and his body felt limp and numb.

Allen stood up slowly, almost knocking down his few plates. His food wasn't even half done and the immense appetite, Allen once had was diminished.

"Hey Allen, you al-" Lenalee began, but he had already grabbed his bag and ran out of the cafeteria without a second thought. He needed out, he needed away, he needed air, he needed isolation. So Allen did the only thing his body could possibly do right. And that was just to run, to run away from all the hate and bullying. He just ran. And ran and ran. He ran till his lungs hurt and the freezing December air burned in his mouth. His footsteps pounding over the fresh snow, making his shoes wet and damp. His jacket did nothing to stop the cold from piercing into his flesh.

Allen stopped when he reached the far end of the parking lot, and into the baseball field. He slumped down near the batting cage and sat on the cold metal bench. He just… didn't know what to do anymore. He clamped his hands over his ears and gripped his hair tight, trying to block off all the voices that reverberated throughout his skull. He was terrified. Those voices wouldn't go away and they all just seemed to blend and break his mind even more.

Why am I even trying?

"I should just stop breathing. " The words slipped past his cold lips and dissolved once more, lost forever. No one would even know they had been uttered.

Allen sat there in silence for a long moment. His body felt oblivious to the cold and the chilling breeze.

Footsteps. Allen turned at the sound of crunching snow and looked up towards the elder.

Paralyzed for a moment, Allen stood up. He didn't want to see Kanda. He just wanted to be alone. He went, and turned to run away even farther. A firm warm hand gripped his wrist and yanked him back.

"Why are you running?"

"I need…. To get away." Allen mumbled, his breath foggy and merging into the air.

"Why. What do you need to get away from?"

"The stress… " Allen lied once more, clenching his eyes tight. "I can't take it anymore Kanda. I just. I don't even want to come to school anymore" This was the closest thing to telling Allen would ever get to do. " I. I just… I just don't know anymore Kanda…" Allen mumbled, stumbling to find the right words without completely telling him what was going on. But Kanda didn't move. He didn't say anything that sullen expression of his didn't even change. It was Kanda. And Kanda didn't judge.

"Are you alright?"

"Not really… Give me a moment." Allen mumbled and rubbed at the corners of his eyes with the sleeves. No way he would let Kanda see him cry. Crying wasn't something that guys did.

Kanda sat down on the bench and yanked Allen down with him. They just sat there waiting. Kanda nuzzled his face into his jacket Allen could see the tinge of red on those cold cheeks. Kanda closed his eyes for a moment as Allen was composing himself for the rest of the school day. He still had two classes left. One of them being the infamous math class with Chaoji.

He shivered as he thought of what he was going to do, the mental coaching he often did before even stepping into the classroom that was pre-calculus. Trying at some vain attempt to dig up all the weeds and the deepest of roots.

Allen glanced over at Kanda and noted the boys figure. His clothes were a mess, his jacket unzipped and his nose bright red and runny as he kept sniffling. His cheeks were bright red now from exposure to the cold. Allen frowned thinking that it was his fault for Kanda being cold, so he edged closer to Kanda. Their legs pressed together on the cold metal. The black and blue scarf around his neck was unwrapped and stretched to Kanda, being rewrapped and the elder's neck and adjusted so that it snugly fit the two. Allen smiled up at Kanda for a moment as he watched the elder nuzzle his way into the scarf mumbling thanks. Allen gave a sigh.

"Thanks a lot Kanda." Allen mumbled.

"For what? Coming out here and freezing?"

"For being with me. I'm lonely."

"Aren't all people?"

"I don't think they're lonely like I am"

"What do you mean?"

"Lonely the way I am" Allen glanced over at Kanda who was looking at him carefully.

"So what happened to you?"

"Something…. Small that got bigger and bigger and now I don't know If I can face it…"

Kanda grunted.

"I've begun to question… If I just stop breathing… would it become easier?"

Kanda's eyes grew slightly wide as the realization hit him. Allen didn't mean? Did he?

"Yeah. Easier if you were dead. Don't stop breathing, Nothings to difficult that you can't conquer."

"Maybe." Allen spoke softly as silence once against filled the air; it's form oppressive and static until Kanda finally broke it.

"You ready?" He said turning towards Allen.

"Yeah. I am" Allen smiled softly towards Kanda. Those grey eyes seemed to have gotten a bit lighter after confessing just a little bit. Kanda smiled back but the bold black and blue scarf covered it from the younger. He nodded and unwound the scarf, rewrapping and tying it against Allen's neck. Together they walked back to class.

One more time. One more time. I can do this.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x- a few Days Later x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Kanda had made a point of being with Allen as much as possible. An overprotective instinct kicking over at the boys break down in the cafeteria. Now he would leave classes and go to Allen's saying he wanted to observe the students or talk about new ideas they might have. Really. He was just watching Allen. Unfortunately Kanda wasn't in Allen's math class today, something had come up and he was needed.

Where was Kanda now? When Allen absolutely needed him and somewhat began to rely on him?

Allen was thrown down against the snow-covered ground. A swift kick hitting him in the chest, bound to leave a bruise. Another one hitting the sickening left arm that was his mark.

"You have no idea how much fun I have doing this" Chaoji called out, laughter filling the cold air.

It wasn't just Chaoji this time. Others had decided to join on the beating of the white haired kid. More laughter joined in and all the voices just meshed into one. Allen pulled his arms over his head and could only hope for the best. Fighting back. That was something the white haired boy had tried to do but it only led to more pain.

Another kick, and another.

Until the sound of laughter stopped and the sound of skin on skin took it's place. A shadow fell over Allen as he looked upwards. Standing above him was Kanda. His body straightening as he recovered from the punch that had just been delivered.

"You guys disgust me. Now leave before I have you guys expelled," The president said as he glowered down at Chaoji who lay holding his cheek on the ground not far from Allen.

"I don't care if you're president or not you stupid girl. This brat deserves it! Let's get him," Chaoji said. Some of the people behind him hesitated but in the end stuck with their leader, advancing towards Kanda. With a grip and a tug, Kanda undid the tie around his neck.

"He isn't a brat. " Kanda stated before stepping forward once more. One of the followers swung aiming for a punch to Kanda's face. The lean president stepped back, gripped the assailant's wrist, twisted on his heel and swung the boy up and over his shoulder down onto his back in the snow. A groan escaped the boy as Kanda turned, grabbed the hilt of sword and swung the sheath back into the chest of another. Another pivot of the foot and a low kick to the knees caused the delinquent to fall to the ground.

"I won't let you win!" Chaoji cried out, charging towards Kanda. Kanda's eyes narrowed even further and his brow furrowed. A look of disgust filled his pale face as he grabbed Chaoji's wrist, twisted his arm, threw a knee into his chest and one final punch to the face. Chaoji fell back to the ground.

The remaining supporters stood there in shock as they stared at Kanda, filled with a murderous intent the aura around him grew. They recoiled back in fear and then quickly sprinted away from the scene, the rest following grabbing Chaoji and dragging him off. They lost this battle.

Allen sat up on the ground and looked up at Kanda, he hadn't even broken a sweat against them. The air grew silent as the snow crunched and Kanda turned around, looked towards Allen before slumping down in front of the boy in the snow. He reached, gripped Allen's shoulders and pulled the younger close, resting his chin on Allen's shoulders and curling his arms around him.

"You must be sick and tired of this aren't you?"

Allen nodded solemnly before burying his face in Kanda's scarf, breathing in his warmth, he reached up and wrapped his arms around him clenching onto the other tight. Relief filling him lie the sun had just come out.

"I'll protect you. I'm sorry I didn't do anything sooner." Kanda spoke.

"How do I know you won't just end up leaving me…?" Allen didn't want to be alone again. Never. He had to make sure Kanda wouldn't leave him before he got too attached and lost him.

Kanda pulled away slowly and placed both of his hands on Allen's cheeks before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. It was gentle and benevolent.

"That's how."


	3. Glasses Part 1

Glasses Part 1

:D Hey! New story for you guys, this one is going to be an ongoing story with multiple parts to it that I'll write later and release when I get to write them. I felt bad that you guys had to read such a drama filled last chapter so here is one with a bit more humor.

X – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x

Blurry. That's the only way Allen could describe his sight right at this moment. Okay. Well it was only blurry in one eye really. After a freak accident (A freak accident caused by Komui's lack of warnings and organization.) Yesterday in Komui's office, both Kanda and Allen's vision had taken a turn for the worst. Allen had accidently tipped over a box while cleaning that had some potion in it, Kanda took the hit by the glass trying to protect Allen and the dark blue substance had dribbled down into his eyes. A few heavy drops had also managed to land in Allen's eye.

Now the world was just full of colors and lights and images all blurred together like murky colored water. Allen felt something grip his hand tightly from underneath the cafeteria table. He turned his head and looked towards Kanda.

"You alright Kanda?" Allen spoke up, looking Kanda's glazed over eyes as they tried to focus on something. Allen hid the fact that he squeezed Kanda's hand back. He already knew what was bothering the fellow exorcist and lover.

"I hate this. I can't see anything." Kanda stated, setting his chopsticks down and fumbling his other hand towards his teacup accidently knocking the cup over. Allen reached over and tipped it back upright. Unlike Allen who got away with partial bad vision, Kanda was in for the whole thing he couldn't see far or near. According to Komui he was lucky he didn't just go blind. Not only that, it must be killing Kanda that his body couldn't heal this right away like always. It's not like it was an injury or a virus. The chemical that had fallen had gotten in Kanda's eyes and just messed with the way his eyes took in light and scrambled it all up. It was like a film placed over their eyes that couldn't be rid of no matter how much rinsing they did. Kanda wouldn't admit it but he was anxious and nervous. He hated not being able to know his surroundings or what was going on.

"Komui said he'd fix it, don't worry." The younger boy smiled up reassuringly even though he wasn't so positive about Komui. "He said he'd figure it out". Kanda let out a grumble and reached for his damp chopsticks, only to knock the bowl of his soba over. Finally with a growl of frustration and defeat Kanda pushed the tray forward in frustration, opting instead for just holding Allen's hand secretly under the table and running his thumb over the back of it. Kanda tried to soothe himself and the anxiety that was beginning to grow and form a knot in his stomach.. His sense of touch hadn't disappeared and the feeling of Allen's skin under the pads of his fingers helped ease that anxiety. Allen felt horrible for Kanda, knowing that his lover was in discomfort so easily. Allen returned to his food and continued eating.

"Allen! Kanda! My brother wants to see you guys in his office." Lenalee called as she approached the duo's table. A faint sigh of relief lifted from the young boy. Allen stood up off the bench, releasing his hand from within Kanda's grasp and instead putting his hand on Kanda's shoulder helping him up. Allen and taking Kanda's tray as well as his own many trays to the drop off location for Jerry and his crew to wash. Returning to Kanda and Lenalee they made there way to Komui's office.

Due to Kanda's vision becoming so atrocious that he could barely even see, it became Allen's duty to guide Kanda around. The trip was silent and Kanda was doing pretty amazing at keeping up though occasionally Allen had to steer him back with a pat on the shoulder so he knew when to turn and which door was which.

Upon reaching Komui's office. Lenalee held the door open and Allen walked in, Kanda however had misjudged the distance and ended up walking into the door frame. Hitting it with a thump and falling back a step holding his head.

"Oh Good. Allen! Kanda! Come in! Take a seat, I have news for you two."

"Kanda are you alright?" Lenalee put a hand on his shoulder but he ignored her, trying to ease the throbbing of his face.

"nng.. Moyashi! Help me dammit!" He growled out in frustration. It was his job to watch and help him and he wasn't doing his job very well.

"Ah.. right. Sorry Kanda." The white haired exorcist chuckled sheepishly before returning to Kanda and leading him through the door with Lenalee's assistance, careful of the doorframe.

Allen pulled Kanda towards the small couch that was nestled dead center in Komui's office surrounded by floods of papers. The two sat down, Kanda feeling the couch over just to make sure where to sit. The man slumped down, half landing on Allen, he grunted before scooting over for the younger. Kanda looked around the room. Or well tried to look, Kanda ended up just gazing at nothing with glazed over eyes.

"Komui have you figured out how to fix our eyesight? This is beginning to become a problem." Allen spoke up, from where he sat, looking towards Komui's blurry figure. Yeah. Major problem. If Lenalee got a dollar for every time Kanda or Allen had tripped, rammed into walls, doorframes, and doors she would be able to go on a shopping spree for hours.

"Well umm.. no…" Komui stated, adjusting his beret nervously.

"WHAT!" Kanda shouted, standing up and unsheathing his sword in a fluid motion. He didn't need his eyesight to feel for his sword or threaten. Kanda began to charge towards Komui's general direction.

"Ah Kanda Wait!" Allen grabbed hold of his lover's waist and held him back, yanking the older back and down onto Allen's lap, slumped across the couch with his katana stretched out dangerously.

"OI!" Kanda called out in protest, flailing his sword around and almost cutting Allen in the process.

"Now Now Kanda! No need to get angry! I don't have the cure just yet but I have a temporary solution!"

"What do you mean?" Kanda stated. Still seething in rage and not very in the mood for listening but more of venting his anger and frustrations. He flailed like a fish and tried to get up but Allen held him still with arms tight around his midsection. Komui withdrew a black box from his desk and pulled open the box and tilted it up for the two exorcists to look at.

The two stopped fighting and Kanda and Allen both squinted at the object before stating in unison.

"We can't see."

Komui laughed sheepishly at the realization. He then stood from his desk and walked towards the two presenting the black box.

"Glasses?" Allen spoke up, the image clear up close. Kanda still couldn't see it even at it being only a few feet away. All he saw was black and red blurred together.

"Yes, they should be able to correct your vision while I work on a way of removing the chemical." Komui stated, withdrawing the round red pair from within and handing it to Allen. Allen took the glasses by the frame careful not to touch the glass. Placing them on carefully, Allen blinked for a moment as his vision instantly cleared and he could draw out every detail from within the room.

"Woah!" the young exorcist shouted with surprise. "Kanda! Quick put them on!" Allen reaching in and grabbed Kanda's glasses, at his name Kanda turned towards his lover and blinked as Allen slid the rectangular black frame onto his nose and behind his ears.

Kanda blinked and stared at Allen for a moment, before looking at Komui. Kanda reached up, removed the glasses and looked around before putting them on.

"How are they?" Komui asked in anticipation

"I can see as good as before the accident." Allen spoke up.

"And you Kanda?" Secretly, Komui hoped that he guessed right with how thick and specific he had to make the glasses in order to fix Kanda's vision just right. It was easier with Allen but Kanda's was a challenge.

"It fixes the problem" Kanda stated, relaxing now that his vision was right. The long haired exorcist remained lounged across the couch, sitting with his legs stretched over the back of the seat and the arm rest and his back resting on Allen's lap and his head on the headrest.

"But is there any remaining blurriness?"

"A bit around the edges but other then that everything is in sharp detail." Kanda kept looking around the room examining everything over as if he was just seeing the room for the first time. Had that door always been near that shelf?

"Wonderful. Also. While I'm working on fixing this you two are going to be prohibited from going on missions for the next week or two. I want to try to get a cure in as soon as possible as your glasses might interfere with your fighting but if I can't then you guys are just going to have to go out on the field with your glasses." Komui stated, pushing the bridge of his own pair of spectacles up onto his face.

"Alright then" Allen said, though he was a bit disappointed. He would much rather be out on missions then stuck here with nothing to do but train, eat, and read in the library.

The duo stood up, Kanda sheathing his sword and Allen smiling towards the scientist. They thanked Komui and walked out the door, shutting it behind them. Allen took a glance towards Kanda from behind his red spectacles and blinked. Kanda's hair matched his glasses like they were made from the same material and the rectangular frames seemed to suit the elder exorcist's face perfectly. Allen couldn't help but to notice how Kanda seemed far more intelligent as well as undeniably sensual. Kanda glanced towards Allen and gave a smirk. This was going to be an interesting week.

x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x –

I now have a glasses fetish. Those of you who have read my story Camping Trip will learn that in it's next chapter.


	4. Frustration

Frustration part 1:

Pouring rain and wind battered at me like I was nothing but a small leaf in a never-ending forest. I ran my white hair was wind sleeked back and my cheeks felt numb. I could barely see through my gray eyes as the rain kept coming at me.

The rest of the order was wrapped up in their blankets by the fireplace, yet I was outside of headquarters, running through the forest, I ditched Link in the middle of dinner, he's probably out looking for me but I could care less.

I was running on bare instinct and emotions right now as lightning flashed above me and thunder followed rattling the forest around me. Mud sloshed up on my boots and my pants had long been soaked. I just ignored it and kept on going. Adrenaline pouring through my veins as my blood surged through me. I became lost in the forest outside of the Order. My surroundings unfamiliar and just seemed like a maze.

I slowed to a stop, my body aching as I looked around and found myself in the center of a small forest clearing, lightning flashed once more as I walked forward, my shoes stumbling and my knees giving out under me as I hit the muddy and soaked ground. I slammed my fist against the ground in frustration, my hand becoming dirty, grimy and filthy.

I tipped my head back, up towards the dark stormy and opened my mouth, and let out all the pent up feelings inside me:

All the frustration.

All the rage.

All the anger.

All the depression.

All the agony.

All the pain I'd felt since my birth. I yelled and screamed and shouted and cursed out. My voice vibrated in my chest but it was lost. I screamed out till I could feel my vocal chords straining.

I was cursed that was it and that's what I would always be, I'd be forever viewed as the exorcist who was cursed. That was easy, I could take being cursed it was my own transgression and the rest of the world could suck it, but that wasn't the reason I was out here.

No the real reason I was out here was because of the 14th. The one thing that I just couldn't accept was the off looks and whispers of the 14th.

Everyone knew and no one would say a thing about it directly to my face. They avoided me now, all of the finders and scientists whispering and rumoring of how I was going to turn into a Noah. I'd had it. I snapped, I couldn't take it, I'm tired of not being treated like a person or an exorcist but like I was already a Noah. Someone who had already been damned. My life as an exorcist was slowly spiraling out of my control. At first, I was just thankful to be helping the souls of the akuma, to be an exorcist and have a family, to save both humans and akuma. But the moment the piano room was discovered, the incident with Cross and Neah, everything just halted. I lost control of everything and suddenly I find myself clinging to everything I have left. I don't want to lose it all, I don't want to be helpless.

Another flash of bright blue lightning surged through the air as I closed my eyes, the rain flooding and clawing at my skin the wind pressing and making that chill fill me to the bone. I looked down at my arm, the one filled with my innocence. I gripped my wrist, pulling it to my chest and holding myself.

"You're supposed to protect me! You're supposed to help me and we're supposed to work together!" I shouted out trying to speak to the innocence within my own body. I could feel the faint hum and could see the dim glow of the cross.

"Yet I'm stuck with a Noah inside me and Innocence. I don't know what to do anymore! Crown Clown, I have no idea what to do! " I cried out, I felt something hot and wet build up behind my eyes. My throat hurt as I practically screamed. I was just so sick and tired and I needed some form of release. The innocence that took part of my body activated itself, Crown Clown wrapping its white cloak around me. Sometimes I wondered what Innocence truly was. It seemed to have a mind of its own but sometimes my own emotions reflected it. I reached up, grabbing a fist full of my hair with my plain hand. Gripping it tight as my emotions were just to haywire to even think properly. I stood up, looking out at the forest

"EDGE END" I shouted out, swiping the innocence filled arm and sending out a claw strike full of just raw destructive power.

"Edge End, Edge End, Edge End, Edge End!" I called out, again and again, destruction surrounding me as the sound of branches and bark snapping and break, crashes and small explosions echoing and reverberating around me. I watched and observed, as the small clearing around me wasn't some small. Trees had fallen over leaving me the only standing one within a vicinity of falling and collapsed trees.

I stopped. Looking around, Crown clown deactivating for a moment. I let my head fall and finally let out a constrained sob, tears joining the rain as they fell and left clean streaks on my dirty cheeks. I stood there in the pouring rain, not sure what to do with myself, my mind everywhere yet nowhere, emotions surging through and blood and adrenaline coursing through my veins. I turned around and walked back to the order with heavy steps. Someone probably saw that, oh well, I'll apologize to Komui later. Right now I just want to shower and go see Kanda and pretend this nightmare never existed. I wanted to sneak into his room like a usually did, climb onto his bed and wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. He'd stir mumble something before reciprocating the hold. I'd leave not to long after I came, to return to bed.

I climbed up the steps of the order and entered through the gate, water and muddy footsteps following me.

"You know, if you used all that frustration during sword training you might beat me." I looked up towards that familiar voice and saw Kanda who was ready for bed; his hair was down, wearing slippers, a baggy shirt and a cardigan. Mugen still pressed against his hip and a towel in his hands.

"Perhaps. " I feigned a faint smile, I was cold and sore and my voice hurt just a bit, my arm hummed and the feeling of adrenaline was replaced with a crash, I just wanted to curl up and sleep. Kanda had probably been watching me from the upper floor windows.

"You're soaking wet." He stated blandly as he came forward and dropped the towel on top of my head, running his large hands over it and tousling my hair drying it somewhat. "Go shower. I'll distract Link." He looked at me for a moment.

I nodded faintly to him; he turned around and left me alone in the foyer of the order. My footsteps thumped behind me, water and muddy prints following me.

"Thanks Yuu…" I mumbled as I turned down the cold dimly lit hallways towards the bathrooms.


	5. Confession

Confession:

Found this in my computer. Edited and posting. Hope you like it. I'll probably do more. I'm having writers block with Camping Trip right now. The words aren't flowing and it pisses me off. That and I'm failing some school stuff so I'm focusing on that right now.

X – x – x – x – x – x – x - x – x – x – x - x – x -

Allen stepped out of the front of door into the cold winter air, needing to get some air. He felt like he was suffocating at all the family love in Kanda's house. Getting invited for dinner was probably the happiest moment of his life but now it was all ruined. He drove three hours from his college with Kanda to see Tiedoll's family and have dinner and now it was all being ruined because he couldn't help but be jealous and envious. He shut the door tight behind him as he left the patio to the driveway.

The night air stung his skin as he pulled his jacket over him closer. Allen barely made it off the driveway and down the street when he heard a door open and close and the sound of boots on concrete. Allen closed his eyes and kept walking, feeling his chest clench. He didn't look around, he was worried it would be Kanda.

"Oi. Beansprout. Where are you going?"

"Just a walk down the street. I need some air."

"Really? I doubt that you liar. Did Daisya say something to you? I swear if that little fu-"

"Daisya didn't say anything to me Yu."

"Then what is it." Kanda's footsteps drew closer as Allen's steps sped up more. His breath floating in the air. "Quit lying and tell me what the hell is wrong with you. You can't hide your shit from me and you know it."

Allen bit his lip as suddenly a firm hand on his wrist spun him towards the offender. He turned his head and glared up at Kanda with a pained look in those clear translucent eyes.

"You want to know what's wrong? Fine. I FORGOT! Alright Kanda! I forgot what it's like! To have a family and be loved for and cared about, to have someone say. 'How have you been?' and actually MEAN it. I've been on my own since I was born! And even then all the people in my life end up leaving me okay Kanda!" Allen cried out, angry as frustrated thorns began to fill his throat and make him choke, something that felt like tears beginning to spring up behind his eyes. He had kept it all inside and was hurting himself as horrible memories of his childhood kept being brought up. Allen just found himself thinking about it no matter what. "You always take shit about your family but at least you have one!"

Clenching his eyes shut, tears fell down his cheeks. He felt so inadequate, like he wasn't good enough to have a family. Mana had died and left him, he wandered the streets alone for a long time till Cross found him and took him in. Then Cross died. He was grateful and lucky to even have Kanda. Allen never had anyone there. No one. No one at all. He was a boy who was alone all his life. Not a positive memory could be found in his mind as darkness invaded and he began to find every single flaw and imperfection he had. He stared down at the ground as everything became blurry as more tears froze down his cheeks and hit the ground below.

He hated that he was always alone.

Warm hands pressed against his cheeks, as he was forced to look up towards Kanda. Rough lips pressed against his and the scent of shampoo and mint filled him. Hot breath covered his red cheeks as Kanda tilted his head up and kissed him harshly. Allen practically crumbled as the tears stopped and he stared wide eyed at Kanda. He pulled back slowly running a thumb over Allen's cheek. Allen's mind suddenly stopping as he stared up at Kanda.

"Quit being a fucking baby. You have me and you're not losing me that easy. Now come on before the old man gets paranoid and I freeze my ass off." Kanda turned around, his grip on Allen's wrist sliding down towards his hand as he interlocked their fingers and dragged him back to the house.


	6. Avoidance

Avoidance:

With his hands in his pockets, Allen continued down the path to the training room, or at least what he thought was the training room. He always got lost now that they had moved to this new building. With its endless hallways of marble tiles and numerous floors, the stagnant air in this new "castle", he most certainly missed the old tower. This new place was problematic to Allen as he tried to find his way to places and ended up being lost, especially when Link harped at him for going the wrong way. His thoughts began to wander as he walked down the hallways that felt like they were freezing despite it only being late afternoon.

_People are cruel._ Despite everything, the moment that other people found out something was wrong with you. They avoided you. They ran and hid and gossiped about you.

Allen knew that now. Before, he had supported the black order; humanity was all that he strived to save with every breath in his lungs and with every fiber of his being and that the order would help him accomplish that goal.

But now he wasn't so sure, as Allen was a leper in a sea of hypocrites, like a living plague where if you got to close you would catch it. Despite saving the order numerous times, fighting for his life and the life of his friends even when unconscious, Saving the entire ark and the 6 exorcists inside, and doing all of this being just 16 years of age. It was all nothing now; it meant absolutely nothing to anyone.

The 14th was his disease, the disease of Noah. Allen could see the blatant stares, the glances of disgust and betrayal, the looks of hatred and some of confusion.

No one mentioned it though. No one ever mentioned the 14th.

As a result of this plague, as a result of becoming a leper, Allen shut himself off.

Not like the way Kanda shuts out people, no, Allen shuts people out internally. He never once says a thing to anyone about anything. He smiles politely and waves but distances himself from everyone. He detaches himself and hides within the dark depths of his mind we're insane notions and dark thoughts caress and holds him captive till he crumbles and falls.

Allen stopped at the entrance to the training area and entered slowly, walking over to a clear space and sitting down. He leant forward, stretching out his aching, exhausted limbs. His body tired and stressed and never feeling like it has enough energy, the paranoia of seeing the 14th in his dreams causing Allen to be awake for countless hours. It was like the fear of bed bugs. See one and your ability to sleep is thrown out the window as a conglomeration of paranoia fills you down to the bottom of your toes.

Stretching helped, it helped pull the tension from his limbs and drain some of the uncomfortable feeling of being in his own skin. Allen stretched forward over his own criss-crossed legs, his fingertips stretching and his shoulder blades flexing through his tight shirt, his forehead touching the cold tiled ground. Deep breaths, Allen reminded himself as he inhaled through his mouth and exhaled through his nose. Flexibility was always a useful trait, taught to Allen from his circus days. Slowly, Allen pulled himself upright, stretching his legs out and reaching forward, pressing his nose to his left knee as he touched his toes. His back easing up as the tension faded.

'Swish'

Curious towards the sound of splitting air and footsteps, Allen became aware he was not alone, he looked over and saw Kanda, standing on the main floor and swinging Mugen with careful precision, his strokes efficient and effortless as invisible opponents would surely be decapitated had they surely been in front of Kanda.

'I wonder if he ever has to deal with his hair in his face.' Allen mused silently as he switched the leg he was stretching. Holding it as Allen watched Kanda, actually watched him, Allen admired Kanda's fighting style and technique, it was unique only to Kanda as seen when Allen attempted to try his style with his sword of exorcism and failed horribly in his imitation.

Feeling slightly better now that he had stretched somewhat and his mind was occupied of observing Kanda. Allen looked at the arm containing his innocence and stretched it, pulling it back behind his head to pull the muscles within. Containing innocence and being an all powerful weapon capable of freeing souls. The arm still needed to be stretched like no other or it would ache and twinge and it would hurt after being used abruptly. Switching limbs once more, the sound of the air being destroyed stopped. Allen looked over at Kanda and the two exorcists eyes caught. Kanda staring into Allen's gray tired eyes and Allen looking towards Kanda's defiant blue black ones. Allen pulled his gaze away first, not feeling up to having a staring contest with Kanda.

"Che' " silence once more filled the training hall as the swords man resumed practice with his sword and Allen continued to stretch in various ways and methods that when Kanda glanced over, the swordsman didn't know that the human body could flex or stretch in such ways. Allen had pulled his leg back behind his head one time, the next timeKanda glanced Allen was doing the splits with his head to the floor and fingers stretched to touch his toes.

"Kanda?" Allen spoke up, standing, his whole body feeling loose and relaxed now.

"Hmm." Kanda responded with a sound, a noise to let Allen know he was paying some semblance of attention to him.

"Can we spar?" Allen stepped down into the training arena. His left arm glowing a faint green as his innocence activated, Crown Clown emerging around his shoulders, a grip on his left wrist and the arm detached forming into the familiar sword of exorcism. The large broadsword feeling comfortable in his right hand as Allen turned towards Kanda.

"So I can kick your ass? Fine. " Kanda turned towards Allen, Mugen facing the white haired boy as Kanda analyzed him. Something was off about Allen, Kanda could feel it nagging at him in the back of his head but he shrugged it off playing it off as Allen's stupidity. Stepping forward quickly, Kanda leapt, taking graceful, long strides towards Allen with Mugen resting firmly in both hands.

Attack, a strike of Mugen and a parry of Allen's sword, Allen returned the favor, stepping sideways and striking at Kanda with quick, blunt blows. Kanda simply rolled out of the way, stepping underneath the blade and sliding around, coming up behind Allen and proceeding to attempt to strike him down with that grace.

'I wonder If Kanda sees me as the14th' twisting his body and holding up his blade Allen parried the blow; Allen stepped backwards from the force, defending against Kanda's attack.

'He's rather blunt today; he's normally on the defensive until he can knock me down.' Allen leapt back, effectively out of range of Kanda, only for the swordsman to follow. This time they both engaged, they're swords locking, strength equally met for a moment.

'Kanda's never really liked me; he probably dislikes me more now after the events of the arc.' Allen mused in his head.

It was in that moment, when Allen's heads got lost in the cloud, that Kanda saw his weakness, dug his foot into the ground and let loose his grip for a second, Allen's form coming forward at the sudden change. Kanda stepped to the side of Allen, reaching beside and raising his leg, kicking Allen's knees out from under him and forcing him to the ground on his face, the sword of exorcism sliding to the other side of the room. The back of Mugen pressed against the back of Allen's throat, Kanda's boot coming down and clamping onto Allen's back forcing him to remain on the ground.

"What the fuck is your problem. Pay attention or you're dead, moyashi."

Allen just stared at the floor, his nose uncomfortably squished, his forehead hurting from impact, Kanda's boot pulling his skin in a painful manner and pressing down on his lungs.

"You're my fucking problem, and my name is Allen!" Allen growled out, from the floor, anger bubbling up from inside as he began to writhe and try to get up from the ground, Kanda's boot the only thing getting in the way as he attempted to get up. He felt humiliated and embarrassed from the events that just happened but those feelings were only bottled up into rage and served his struggle to be free from Kanda.

"What was that Moyashi? I can't hear you as your face is in the fucking ground."

"It's Allen! You girly-faced prick!" Allen managed to flip over and onto his back, finally, only to have Kanda's blade nick the corner of his throat and a boot to kick him in the side before replanting onto his chest, pressing down with force as Allen tried to catch his breath.

"I'm going to cut your head off."

"Go ahead and try!" Allen cried out, feeling snarky and agitated, pissed off at Kanda.

"You're really testing me today Moyashi."

"Get off of me ponytail." Kanda pressed his boot down more onto Allen, putting more weight, crushing down on the boy's lungs and ribs.

"What was that?"

"I said, to get off me you ponytail prick." Allen glared up at Kanda a small bit of blood sliding down his neck and onto the mat; Allen looked over trying to find his sword and other arm but it was effectively out of reach.

"Oh you're dead, and Lenalee or Link isn't here to save your sorry ass." Kanda was pissed off and angry at the moyashi, being stupid and getting distracted, losing his weapon in battle, and insulting and calling him names.

"They wouldn't save me anyway." Allen spat, caught up in his anger and frustration as his gentlemen act had been thrown out the window by Kanda's taunts. He writhed more, and wiggled against the growing pain and discomfort in his lungs from Kanda. Mugen pressed close to his throat, the tip touching where he was nicked and was bleeding from.

"What's your problem?" Kanda growled leaning down and sliding the cold metal blade against Allen's neck, causing the boy to shiver and wiggle more.

"Nothing." Allen growled out, not in the mood to talk only to be released.

"Bullshit. What's your deal?" Kanda was pissed, intrigued towards Allen and what his problem was, he'd never drop his act or get this angry so easily.

"You never cared before why now?" Allen stopped struggling, panting and heaving for breath as he gave up, Kanda had the advantage and was in control of the situation. He slumped back, tired more than before.

"Because you're distracted and making this fight boring, you're more entertaining to fuck with when not distracted" It was a logical explanation on Allen's side, Kanda didn't really know why he cared but now that he was half way in there was no backing out now.

"It's none of your business." A mutter as Allen turned his head and just stared at the sword of exorcism now lying on the floor.

"It is now."

"Like you would care"

"Quit stalling and just fucking tell me!"

"Why?" Allen turned staring Kanda in the eyes with that look of his, that look of one who is defiant but pleading, as though if he could just have a good enough reason. He would be able to spill everything out, that if he was just encouraged enough and knew that the person he was talking too wouldn't hate him, he'd drop the heavy weights that rested on his shoulders and share the contents of them.

"Why what?"

"Why should I tell you?" Allen looked dead, tired, a glazed over look to his face.

"Cause you're being a pain in the ass and I want to know"

"Pathetic excuse, get off my chest you fat beast." The boot was removed from Allen's chest with a shove as he took in a deep breath. He put his hand to his neck, holding pressure against the nick so it would stop bleeding. The blood was already covering the hood of his cowl with it. Allen sat up, the sword of exorcism coming upwards from the ground and returning to him, to merge back into his arm and to deactivate his innocence, he didn't think he would spar with Kanda anymore, not after that embarrassing fall.

'I'm tired Kanda that's all." The white haired boy finally spoke, he flexed his left hand, his arm always felt a bit unusual following remerging it.

"Liar, there's more too it." Kanda knew the answer giving was only part of the truth. There was something more to it. The reason why Allen was tired was what Kanda wanted to know.

"There is. But I don't want to talk about it." At least the boy admitted there was something to it. Something was bothering him. Allen stoodup, turned and began to walk towards the door to leave. He was wasting his time in the training room.

"You keep a shit load of stuff bottle up Moyashi, it's going to bust like a dam and when you're an insane mess on the floor I'm going to laugh at you."

"Already broke." A mumble, a mutter, spoken so quietly Kanda wasn't even sure he heard and Allen if he had actually spoke it.

"What?" Allen stopped walking and turned towards Kanda, the swordsman had his arms crossed over his chest and his sword in it's sheath.

"The dam's been broken for a long time Kanda "A laugh, not one of happiness or joy, or humor, no it was quiet, dark, sad and depressed, a laugh of one who was about to give up hope. "My minds busted up more than anyone can fix." Allen looked up at Kanda that fire that was in his eyes earlier, burnt and snuffed out.

"The 14th?" That was his initial theory of course, especially after what happened with that Level 4 at the orphanage and Timonthy. That was when Kanda suspected something began to go wrong.

"No." An obvious lie, but Kanda didn't press it too much.

"Then what"

"You ever notice how cruel humans truly are Kanda?" Allen shoved his hands into the pocket. Not wanting to look at the blood now covering them from where he was injured.

"No Shit. Why do you think I ignore everyone?" Kanda leaned back on a pillar nearby, watching Allen whom was just sitting in the middle of the training center, slouched over and with his hands shoved in his pockets, the top of his shirt covered in blood.

"I learned that. It's killing me inside." Allen's foot kicked at nothing as his weight tipped around, his head was starting to hurt and his heart beginning to ache as he began to speak the thoughts he kept hidden.

"You just have to damn them all to hell." Kanda's blunt advice, not exactly the answer Allen wanted to hear.

"Easier said than done." Another mumble, damn the boy needed to speak up more. What happened to the bold, friendly, talkative teenager that first entered the Black Order and was absolutely terrified of Kanda.

Oh, that's right, he's been eaten by fear, betrayal, hatred, depression and stress.

"Moyashi, you've already done it with that gentleman act of yours." Kanda was getting tired of playing these games with Allen. Avoiding the main thing that was bothering him.

"What?" Allen looked up and over at Kanda, confusion playing out over his facial features.

"You're so fucking ignorant. Moyashi over here"

"Why?"

"Because" Allen turned cautiously, his bloody hands clenching in his pockets as he walked back over to Kanda cautiously. Mugen was dropped to the floor in something of what Allen presumed was a peace offering.

"What now? You going to insu-" Painful force crashed into Allen's cheekbone as he felt the impact of a fist. The blow sent him backwards, staggering as his head spun for a second and his mind reeled with what just happened to him. He felt the throbbing and could suddenly feel the swelling begin in his cheek and a bit of his lip. Allen looked over at Kanda as he was straightening out from the punch, a small bit of blood on his knuckles, seeing it; Allen ran his tongue over his lip, tasting the cooper of blood.

Perhaps it was shock at first that held Allen in place as he just stared at Kanda, his hand coming up to touch his face gently. Or perhaps it was the moment that it took for his body to register what just happened as anger and rage began to fill the teenager.

"Why you little Son of a bitch!" Allen shouted, running over and reeling his fist back, punching Kanda just as hard with his left hand, the innocence enriched arm, made a painful sound as he made contact with his elder's cheek bone. He felt the power and the force reverberate through his arm; he pulled back for a moment, seeing his blood stain Kanda's cheek from where he had held his bleeding neck.

A heavy breath passed through Allen's mouth as the adrenaline surged through his body once more, the thrill and survival involved in a fight beginning to override the logical calm thought of his gentleman act or the fact that Kanda was supposed to be his comrade. He was just focused on punching the little bastard for starting this. Kanda reared back, spitting out the extra saliva in his mouth as well as a bit of blood, probably a bitten cheek or he bit his tongue.

And with the first punches thrown, the fight commenced, the two exorcists forgetting they're lives for a moment and caught in the pace of a fight. Kanda reached forward, grabbing Allen's shirt and trying to land another punch on the brat, the look in Kanda's eyes was shrouded, his motive for the punch couldn't be figured out at this moment as they attempted to land a hit, Allen writhing and getting out of Kanda's grip, trying to land something, anything, a scratch from one of Allen's nails ran down Kanda's arms, another punch from Kanda landing on Allen's chest as the younger boy managed to get out of the grip and step back.

The two skirted around one another, Allen and Kanda taking turns charging forward and gripping, trying to land a hit, Kanda went for a kick, only for Allen's forearm to block, wrap around and yank, throwing Kanda off balance and onto his back. Allen crouching down over the elder exorcist and going for another blow, only to be stopped by Kanda's hand, and a push from underneath and over, sending Allen tumbling from the other exorcist and onto the ground with a slide, Allen staggered to his feet, disoriented from the sudden movement, his breathing panting and labored, sweat forming once more over his body and his muscles feeling taut and strained.

By the time Allen got to his feet, an arm was wrapping around his neck and pulling him backwards, choking and suffocating Allen pulled against the strong forearm, his stubby nails digging into the flesh as he began to choke from the pressure on his windpipe. Burrowing his chin down as far as possible he nabbed a bit of Kanda's arm in his teeth and bit down hard, another hand reaching behind to grab the skin underneath Kanda's arm, between his elbow and shoulder, flesh was grabbed and yanked and pulled. With a grunt , Kanda withdrew his arm to avoid further pain, only for Allen to turn, land a low blow to Kanda's stomach and tackle the older exorcist down to the ground, twisting and writhing Allen wrapped a leg between Kanda's and tried to pin the older boy down.

It was a good attempt at first for Allen, until Kanda elbowed him in the face, a snap was heard and Allen could feel something wet slide down his nose and begin to gush, he refused to let go though, only when he was forced to by Kanda throwing him off. Allen quickly stepped back and away, rubbing the back of his hand slowly against his nose he saw blood raining down and onto the floor mat, and over his training clothes.

"Che'" Kanda got up from the ground and straightened up, panting and his breathing difficult as the wind was knocked from his lungs. He rubbed his forearm, where Allen had bitten and looked at the scratch going down his bicep. The punch landed on his face had swollen effectively.

Allen was in more of a bloody mess, his neck was scratched and the blood had just come to a faint dribble down his collar bone. Allen's lip and cheek were swollen, obscuring a small fraction of the left side of his face, his nose felt broken and probably was from all the blood that was just gushing and going everywhere, All the while he was trying to breathe through his nose, failing as he just coughed and sputtered on blood, spitting more out. In the end he opted for shallow breathing through his mouth.

"What was that for!?" Allen growled, his voice messed up and ending up nasally, sounding not as threatening as he wished.

"For being an ignorant moron, you're more human when you're fighting." Kanda spoke, with deep breaths between his words as he straightened up more, the discomfort in his stomach easing.

"Huh?" Allen looked at him puzzled, not understanding how just getting in a fist fight made him more human.

"Still a stupid moyashi," Kanda spit more blood and saliva from his mouth onto the mat. Someone would clean it later, probably a finder or the next person to come here.

"I'm not stupid, I understand what you're saying Kanda. I just don't understand why you're applying it to me and why you're even bothering to tell me."

"Because you're even more annoying putting on a fake face when I know you're lying, you brat. You think you got everyone fooled and that no one notices you. Well heads up. I do you little piece of shit. I see past your stupid act, now quit lying to me, you little fucker!" Kanda spoke gruffly, serious, and sounding somewhat like he cared for Allen but just didn't know how to say it. Kanda walked over slowly to pick up Mugen. His regernative powers kicking in to heal his body, he felt something like a fractured rib in his chest, probably from when Allen tackled him down to the ground twice.

Allen just stared at Kanda, bewildered and confused by how the usually gruff and frigid Kanda could say something like that. Allen ran another hand under his nose, a large amount of blood coating the pale skin. Feeling it bleed, Allen reached down and took off his shirt, no one would care and it was already ruined with the copious amount of blood previously spilt. He held the blood and sweat soaked fabric under his nose, hoping to stop the bleeding and the pain from his nose. He looked up and saw Kanda approaching him.

"Hold still." Allen pulled the shirt away, only to have Kanda's fingers reach up, on opposite sides of his nose, and with another pop, realigned the somewhat crooked nose on his face. Kanda stepped back for a moment, looking at the nose, as more blood gushed down. Kanda approached once more, snapped the nose back once more and realigned it back to where it was. "Don't want to ruin your pretty little face Moyashi." Kanda smirked and turned to leave. Allen followed suit, taking a few steps before dizziness from the blood loss and nausea settled in his senses.

A groan forced its way through Allen's lips as he settled and leaned back against the nearby wall, waiting for the room to stop spinning, as he gripped his hand on Kanda's arm.

"A broken nose and a bit of blood and you're already going to pass out? Pathetic Moyashi."

"You're the one who broke it."

"I'm not carrying you to the nurse. I have half a mind to just leave you here but I'm sure Link would want me to do paperwork for injuring his 'charge'"

"I'm expecting paperwork for just a scratch." Allen let out a laugh. Nasally and not sounding quite right as he spit out more blood. The taste of iron and cooper filling his mouth and tasting disgusting.

Allen looked down at the blood on the ground and what had dripped down and onto his bare chest. Kanda's arm hooked around and Allen's other arm swung over his shoulders. Allen leaned his head against Kanda as he moved his legs one in front of the other, suddenly feeling heavy as the fight took his toll on him. He was already tired from the paranoia of the 14th, and now after the sparring and the fighting, he just felt downright drained and exhausted. They headed out of the training room and down the hallway towards the infirmary.

"Kanda."

"Hm?"

"I'm terrified of the 14th. That I might turn into him and that everyone will turn they're back on me because of it. I feel like I'm being ripped apart every time I see someone look at me with disgust or hatred because they know the 14th's in me. I hate that no matter what I did before, it's all for nothing now that I know how to control the ark. I've been avoiding everyone and now I'm just tired and want to roll over and go to bed and wait for this nightmare to end." Well there was the answer Kanda wanted, laid out in front of him to examine and look at like a specimen.

"You think too much. Sleeping won't fix this and quit trying to please everyone; they'll only deem it suspicious."

"You're impossible to please Kanda."

"You suck at trying to please me. I don't want friendliness and shit like everyone else. You're an exorcist. You want to please me? Stop sucking at fighting and be more effective in your mission."

"I'll try." Allen mumbled, as the duo turned the corner, blood dropping from Allen like a faucet and making him look even worse.

Kanda was more of dragging Allen at this point. The boy was practically unconscious but his feet still kept putting one after the other, his grip tight on Kanda's shoulder.

"Kanda?"

"What now?"

"Thanks." Kanda grunted in response, something like your welcome but also part of an acknowledgement of what Allen said. Pushing the two forward, Kanda finally dragged Allen into the infirmary and dropped him on the nearest bed he could find. Allen rolled onto his side, his head throbbing, cheek aching, the world swimming and the few punches that landed on him made his body ache and hurt. But he'd live, after all, he had to keep walking, no matter what.


	7. Falling in Love

Falling in Love:

Just a short drabble to help me sleep,it didn't do it's job seeing how I've been up for 21 hours now.

Based slightly off of Elvis's Can't help falling in Love.

Have a fantastic day everyone.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x -

The rain had just picked up, the sound of it echoing through the windows with an occasional burst of thunder and lightning. Allen entered the living room, carrying some blankets and a pillow for his guest.

"Hey Kanda, I got you some blankets…" The white haired boy trailed off as Allen stared at Kanda's sleeping form, the arc of his body as he lay curled up on his side on the couch. His hair was still damp from his shower_, _the towel that was presumably drying his hair now covering half of the bitchy teenager's face.

_'He must have fallen asleep while I was in taking a shower_.' Allen just chuckled to himself as he continued to watch Kanda, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed steadily in his sleep was calming. The way his clothes were hiked up showing the contours of his stomach and sides was intoxicating to the eyes. The way Kanda's sleeping face was relaxed making his cheeks seem soft and his forehead without wrinkles.

With a faint smile on his cheeks, Allen went and draped the blankets over Kanda. The swordsman grumbled for a moment before gripping the blankets, curling up more and tugging it closer. He pulled the damp towel off of Kanda's face and set it on the coffee table. Allen smiled a little more only to stop, his thoughts trailing off to a different space entirely. The smile slowly fell as the weight of realization clung to him.

Allen slumped down against the coffee table nestled in the center of the room as he just stared at Kanda. A tight ball of emotions wrapped up and stuck inside his chest suddenly appearing, the feeling of pressure and love swelling up in him and closing his throat, he felt like thorns had just been swallowed. He gripped the pillow tight in his arms as he burrowed his face into it. Tears beginning to well up in his eyes and the pillow absorbing them, he gripped the plush white fabric tighter as he took in a quiet shaky breath.

"Shit." He mumbled, not able to find words that can describe this feeling of just overwhelming love and disappointment. Allen just couldn't help but fall in love with the swordsman; the way Kanda walked and carried himself, his overflowing confidence and grace and beauty, his intelligence and snappy comments. The way that Kanda had ignored Allen's flaws and didn't pay attention to his deformities or white hair that he had accepted Allen for who he was.

He recalled when he first saw Kanda he had fallen in love with his appearance, there was no way anyone could miss the sharp features and the beautiful long hair and his gorgeous features but after you get to know Kanda. He's not as prickly and hard to deal with, when you get to know Kanda? One learns that he's actually had a pretty harsh life. That when you became one of his better friends and he lets his guard down and he opens up to you slowly, that he gets protective of you. Kanda wouldn't dare let a thing touch Allen and Lenalee after the events of a few weeks ago. That protectiveness and the growing relationship of an unusual friendship between Allen and Kanda had made that swelling love of his grow even more to where it was now.

Now here Allen sat, crying into a pillow over the fact that this deep swelling love would never, ever be reciprocated. That he would just need to get over it, get over the love and the feeling that maybe, just maybe Kanda will be with him. But the thought of getting over it, the thought of moving on hurt more. He smiled shamefully into the pillow, there was no way and now he had fallen in love with one of his best friends with no way out. No way to avoid this burning in his throat and the tears falling and the fact that his lungs just couldn't get enough air.

That all of this love was for naught and that Kanda would never love him was what was causing the tears to fall. Allen just felt so down, so sad and depressed at the thought that no matter what, that no matter how hard he tried with all of his might he would never be able to kiss Kanda, wake up to his face and touch that soft hair of his without being threatened and yelled at. It was all nothing, just a sick fantasy in his head.

Cause there was no way Kanda loved him, or thought of him in that, there was no way Kanda was gay. There was no way Kanda could love him.

And that hurt. It hurt a lot, it settled itself as a rock in his chest, going nowhere but just being a heavyweight for him to bear.

Some things just weren't meant to be. Allen pulled his face away from the pillow, stopping the tears and rubbing at his face with his palms to stop the tears.

"You're so loud. Why the hell are you crying?"

"Just because…" Allen looked up, seeing Kanda awake and sitting up, he reached down and grabbed Allen's hand tugging the younger boy up to his feet and onto the couch.

"Bullshit. Normal people don't just sit in their living room and cry in front of their guest. What the fuck is your problem? What did I do?" Kanda was being harsh, insulting Allen in a way but somewhat comforting the younger boy to know that his crush was even slightly concerned as to why he was crying. Allen curled up on the couch holding the pillow as Kanda rubbed his eyes tiredly and leaned back onto the cushions. Allen's crying had just woken up the elder boy, he tried to ignore it but it was inevitable that he would end up helping Allen or at least asking what his problem was.

Allen rested his cheek on the pillow and looked at Kanda

"It's not your fault Kanda." Allen could see the way that Kanda had been looking pensive and staring at the coffee table for way to long. Kanda was biting the inside of his cheek, trying to figure out what the fuck he did to set the moyashi into tears. Allen smiled at Kanda despite his eyes being red and slightly puffy, contrasting with his scar and pale complexion. "It's just… something else."

"Something else? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"It's nothing, not your concern"

"Oh come on we both know your lying. It's my concern now that you fucking woke me up with your sniffling and crying." Kanda closed his eyes, trying to go back to sleep.

Allen didn't respond immediately. There was no way that Kanda could find out about this, about this episode of his. Kanda couldn't find out that Allen loved him. So he waited, silence spreading as exhaustion began to claw at his shoulders and limbs and eyelids.

"Kanda. I'm tired." Allen mumbled; he was tired, emotionally, physically from crying and dealing with Kanda. The late hour wasn't helping his cause either, the rain echoing soothingly over the household.

"Go get in your bed then." Kanda opened his eyes he could tell that Allen hadn't really heard that, he could see the way the kid's eyes kept fluttering shut and then open as he tried to stay awake in a vain effort to keep him company. "Come on Moyashi." Kanda shook Allen slightly, though with hesitation.

Allen opened his eyes slightly and shifted up onto his feet, holding the pillow he was supposed to give Kanda. He exited the living room, only to end up tripping over the two steps that lead into the hallway, the shock of falling only hitting him in that last moment before he made contact with the floor.

With a groan Kanda stood up, tired himself as he walked over to the Moyashi who was just lying on the floor. "Come on, up on your feet moyashi." Kanda prodded Allen in the side for a moment, a sense of protectiveness and brief exhaustive compassion overtaking him towards the boy. With a groan Allen sat up, and walked the rest of the way down the hallway to his room. He entered; Kanda trailing in behind him to make sure the kid didn't hurt himself further. Allen just crawled into bed underneath the covers and curled up. Kanda sat on the bed, still drowsy after being woken up. With a sigh he fell sideways and lay down on the bed's soft comforter.

Kanda was too tired, today was too exhausting to really care about anything, or the fact that he was in Allen's bed currently.

Allen didn't hear Kanda move away from his bed, he was on the brink of unconsciousness he rolled over and looked at Kanda's back that was lying on the bed. He could barely see the outline of his chest but he was happy now, content to know that Kanda would agree to something small like this, but none the less content. He smiled faintly at him, the bed was soft and cool against his skin and it lulled him further into sleep.

Allen just couldn't help falling in love with Yuu Kanda and some things just weren't meant to be no matter what. But maybe, maybe one day this something could become reality.

"I really like you Kanda." Allen mumbled, presuming that the older boy was asleep at this point. Allen's eyes finally closing shut as he himself fell asleep, his breathing slowly evening out into a rhythm.

Kanda rolled over on the bed, pulling the blankets over him to fight off the cold of the room. "Moyashi you stupid piece of shit. " Kanda groaned out as he understood now why Allen was crying. He scooted closer; the bed not really being meant to accommodate two but it would work out. Kanda draped an arm over Allen's side feeling the boy's heartbeat against his elbow and the warm feeling of skin driving away the chill of the night. Kanda closed his eyes as he felt Allen push himself a bit closer to Kanda, the boys chin resting on Kanda's collarbone and his breath warm against the elder's shoulder. A faint sigh pressed out of Kanda's lips as he mumbled. "You're a horrible host."


	8. Tassel

Yeah okay.

My headcannon got to me. enjoy, reviews appreciated

oOoOoOoOo

Kanda relaxed back into his chair, tired and feeling a headache press against the back of his skull. His boots had been kicked off at the doorway and his exorcist coat sat on the bed along with his shirt. The room was like all the other ones he'd slept in while he had been on missions, this one being no particular exception. Warm hands abruptly pressed against Kanda's shoulders and tenderly rubbed them, fingers digging into his shoulder blades to remove the tension as he leaned back into the touch. Trying to locate the piece of innocence today and defending against akuma had taken more effort than necessary, especially since Allen and him were the only exorcists able to go with Link tagging along as Allen's supervisor. Ultimately they had spent hours upon hours fighting till Allen was at his limit before they retreated. The innocence having been located and found but the nearest gate to the order was in the next town over; they would ride there in the morning. Stupid finder had given the wrong directions and Allen wasn't allowed to make another gate without permission.

"You got a headache don't you?" Allen's voice was soft; the boy knew not to talk loudly when the elder was currently agitated and frustrated. Kanda responded with a noise from his throat, not really up for talking now, the hands on his shoulders felt good, especially how they both slid down to his bare biceps and rubbed there, helping push away the exertion on his muscles from fighting with his sword all day. Allen's thumbs digging in and rubbing slow circles on the muscles the tension beginning to ease. Though the headache remained present; a dull thumping and tight pressure like someone was beating him over the head with a hammer. Headaches like these happened occasionally to Kanda, having his hair up all day, every day was for the most part the cause, Lavi's annoying voice being the other part, but when on a mission, the constant motion and tugging on his hair rendered him the victim of a headache. Eventually his regenerative powers would stop it, but it took a little bit of time now.

Kanda glanced up towards Allen's form; the older boy shirtless, skin damp, and bearing the scar across his chest from his own innocence, as well as a plethora of other marks from battles throughout his exorcist career. A recent bloody slice on Allen's right shoulder caused by flying debris was bandaged carefully, bruises littering Allen's body while all of Kanda's injuries were finishing up healing, leaving his skin clean and pure as always. Allen's hair was wet and still damp from his bath, the scar across his face red and contrasting with his pale skin and white hair. Turning back, towards the wall, Kanda closed his eyes for a moment the image of Allen still remaining his head before fading, being taken over by the dull pounding in his head.

A hand was released from his arm and was brought up undoing the red hair tassel connecting the black silk strands together. His hair falling and flowing down the sudden release from tight constriction felt like bliss. There was a slight kink in Kanda's hair as a result but it would come out with his bath, he didn't really care so long as this damned headache would go away. Gentle hands came up and slid through his dark hair, careful when reaching a knot and slowly letting it come undone underneath the white haired boy's fingers. Allen reached up and collected all of Kanda's hair, pulling it back behind his shoulders.

Allen was enjoying the sensation of the soft strands on his hands and the opportunity he had to touch it. Reaching underneath Kanda's hair, Allen pressed his fingers against the back of Kanda's head and pressed softly, massaging the roots of his hair lightly. Kanda giving a groan of faint pleasure at the sensation, this was one of the few opportunities Kanda would let his lover touch his hair. It was rare and few in between as Kanda for one didn't like people touching his hair and because Allen was hesitant for fear he might displease the swordsman. But most of the time Kanda came out of this situation in a significantly better mood.

The fingers slowly rose up, tangling into his hair more and rubbing more gently at the crown of his head. Kanda's head tilted back into the mismatched hands, feeling his headache slowly dissipate at the feeling. He breathed slowly and evenly as his eyes fluttered close for a moment. He was tired, he had been up since before dawn and now it was the middle of the night. He could go without sleep but it eventually wore him away and the fingers in his hair were just so warm and felt fantastic as they pushed away the pain throbbing in his skull.

Allen kept at it, a smile on his features at the way he watched Kanda relax before him. Observing the way his shoulders sunk slightly and his neck was exposed as he leaned back further into Allen's hands. Allen slid the fingers of his right hand through Kanda's bangs, pulling them back and continuing to comb through Kanda's hair. He massaged right behind Kanda's ear a sensitive spot as another noise of pleasure left Kanda's lips. Allen had magic fingers; his fingertips being slightly calloused but ultimately his hands were soft despite constant battle and fighting.

"Feeling better?" Allen leaned over slightly to see Kanda's half lidded gaze, the exorcist opened his eyes seeing the white haired boy and gave a growl in his throat, wondering why the sensations had stopped for a moment. Allen leaned back and began playing with Kanda's tresses all the while rubbing the back of his head. Allen knew Kanda was enjoying it and feeling better by the look in his eyes. Kanda's eyes always betrayed him, showing exactly how he felt. So when Allen leaned down and pressed a faint kiss to Kanda's neck he knew the boys eyes would glaze over slightly, especially when Allen leaned down and nipped a rather sensitive spot on Kanda's collarbone.

"Oi, your stalker is going to walk in." Kanda wasn't protesting the touch or the bite, oh most certainly not; at this point Kanda would have fucked Allen into a bed if it wasn't for Link accompanying them and the threat of him walking in. He tilted his head towards Allen.

"Link always takes forever bathing, he hates getting dirty." Allen mumbled in Kanda's ear, taking a faint nip on his lobe and licking the edge of it with a sly smirk on his lips. Allen's hands never leaving Kanda's hair, wrapping it around his fingers and sliding his hand through it as Allen tilted Kanda's chin up and pressed a kiss against his lips, soft and gentle, not bothering to lick or press tongues just kiss, chaste and simple. Too many variables were present and if they continued on, they'd probably end up making out, getting aroused and wanting sex but unable to have it cause of Link being present. Kanda would get even more irritable and pissed off then.

"Fuck you." Kanda growled out as their lips pulled apart, straightening up slightly in his chair, Kanda's heart rate having picked up at Allen toying with him, his headache somewhat dissipated, the dull throbbing still present but not nearly as strong as before. "Not tonight. I'm too fucking tired to fuck you."

"You going to bathe?" Allen asked innocently, curious about what Kanda would do next as he resumed running hishands through Kanda's hair and rubbing his scalp, massaging thoroughly with slight pressure and smooth circles, Kanda seemed to be dozing off.

"I'll do it in the morning." Kanda grumbled out, he hated to admit it but the feeling of Allen's hands in his hair and the gentle touches and rubbing were lulling and relaxing and the exorcist was finding it difficult to stay awake, his eyes closing for a moment before opening once more.

"Alright" Allen continued to mess with Kanda's hair, not saying anymore. Kanda would eventually get up whenever he decided too and until then, Allen was presuming that he had free reign over the older exorcist's hair until either Kanda moved or Link returned, whichever came first. Kanda's head tilted to the side one way before jerking up, Allen smiled tiredly at his lover, watching the way that a massage and running his fingers through Kanda's hair could turn him into puddy in his hands.

Unfortunately, Kanda moving came first as abruptly the older exorcist stirred and walked over to his bed for the night deeming it embarrassing and ruining his pride to fall asleep in his chair or to Allen's ministrations, he moved his coat, setting it across the chair he was just in. Sliding in underneath the sheets and laying down, sleeping would eventually get rid of his headache as his regenerative powers ultimately healed it all together.

Allen followed Kanda, sitting on the edge of his bed as he continued to run his fingers through Kanda's hair. Kanda tilted his head into the hand a small fraction, enjoying the sensation just a little too much, his tired mind not really caring about how fucking pissed he would be if it was Lavi who was touching his hair. But it wasn't Lavi touching his hair, it was Allen, Allen was touching his hair and damn it felt good. Rolling over his back to the light of the candles and to Allen's face, he shut his eyes, sleep coming towards him rapidly.

He felt the bed behind him sink for a moment as Allen lied down behind Kanda, his fingers still touching his hair as the white haired exorcist felt exhaustion clinging to him as well. Allen reasoning with himself that he would just lay here for a few moments, than he'll move before Link comes back. Allen fell asleep slowly, drifting in and out for a bit before his eyes closed and his mind shut down for the next few hours.

The two boys didn't hear much less move after they heard the knocking on the door and Link entering. The supervisor finding Kanda and Allen asleep in the same bed. He didn't think much of it though, the two boys had a lot of tension together and really, Allen's relationship with other exorcists were a bit weird to the supervisor, this was probably just something they did normally when he wasn't around. Perhaps for protecting against Akuma, so they could sleep without having to worry about being attacked. Link didn't really understand he never assumed that the two exorcists were nothing more than very, antagonistic friends that put their differences aside occasionally for battle and even then they fought about what was the right thing to do.

Link didn't notice the subtle way that Allen was still holding Kanda's hair or that Kanda had moved over slightly away from Allen and that Allen snuggled closer to the warmth of Kanda's body. Link also didn't notice the way that in the middle of the night when they were all asleep Allen groggily woke up, cold and not wanting to be awake, and crawled under the sheets next to Kanda without much thought and pushed closer. The supervisor didn't notice that they were flushed against one another by morning, with Kanda resting his chin on Allen's head and Allen snug against Kanda's neck, there legs entangled together and Kanda leaning over Allen protectively almost.

The hair tassel that had been in Kanda's hair had been forgotten on the night stand, a bright red that would be rewrapped around Kanda's hair in the morning and would possibly bring another headache with it. With that headache would come another opportunity for Allen to feel Kanda's hair and massage the headache away with his fingertips.


End file.
